07/03/2025
hello. I guess I wrote this as a way to pass the time. my life is pretty boring. i used to have a nice pretty website dedicated to my music back like 4 years ago, but i lost everything. a lot has changed, maybe ill get into some crazy ass stories about that later. guess im gonna try to learn how to webdev again. kinda forgot everything. this site is barebones asf rn. gonna fix that when i have the time. too much going on rn. by too much going on i mean absolutely nothing of note, just work. adulting sucks. maybe ill post some of the stories i write when im bored here too. trip reports, crazy experiences, psychotic rants, etc. idk theres a lot of things i can do. i guess it just kinda feels good to just shout everything out into the void? i guess it’s kinda cool to have your own little corner of the internet? it feels good. anyways ill stop talking about boring shit. guess ill introduce myself, i dont wanna give out my name but you don’t really have to look too hard to find it. just humor me and call me X tho. im turning 19 in 9 days fuck my life. im studying IT in college. i work at Walmart. im pretty average in almost every sense of the word. nothing special to see here really. i guess the thing that actually sets me apart from most people is my bipolar and affinity for abusing substances (not like that’s a fucking personality trait lol). thats kind of halfway a joke but yk. there are plenty of crazy junkies so my case isnt anything new. aside from that i play the shit out of the guitar and the bass, mostly metal shit (seriously im fucking good, lmk if u wanna start a band). i live in the middle of nowhere Texas, so goddamn hot all the time for no reason. anyways enough background. let me get into the reason im writing this. a year ago today i got out of the nut hut. yep, hardened psych ward veteran here (not really i only spent a week there). a year ago today i got diagnosed as a crazy person, a year ago today i took a shit ton of adderall and went full delusional. and in the past year since then what have i done? have i grown and learned to manage my condition and become a stable and healthy person? well, ive worked, drank, lost my job, got broken up with, drank some more, got a new job cause i cant be homeless lmao, wrote a few shitty songs, stayed inside, alone, guess i started college too but yk its online so. my life has been this monotonous machine just churning away since that day. ever since i got out of that glorified daycare basically. well i decided that enough is enough. gotta put a stop to this cyclical madness before it fully consumes me. so i put down the beer and the cough syrup and pot and i started this. i guess having this project to work on is one of the ways to combat the encroaching insanity. so im here, talking to nobody. but it’s still rewarding in its own right. i get to reignite an old passion of mine for web design and some poor soul has to encounter my lunatic ravings. so yeh idk. if you’re reading this thank you for wasting your time on me. ill probably write some more later today, maybe tomorrow, if you’re interested in reading the thoughts and experiences of an unwell person. maybe ill write about the nut hut and spending my 4th of july there n stuff in honor of this special day. maybe ill talk about how i found my boss’ dime baggie of meth on the floor at my old job. maybe ill talk about how my bio dad is an alt right conspiracy theorist and the time he tried to set my mom on fire. maybe I’ll just talk about boring shit. idk i got lots of crazy stories to share. my one and only friend (let’s call him W, met him on discord almost 5 years ago, we’ve been close since) has told me i need to write a book about my life, he said it’d be wild enough to make a movie out of. But yeah idk guys. Peace for now ig, I’ll update you all soon.
the time i smoked laced weed: 07/04/2025
Let me start this out by saying I don’t condone the use of drugs, if you’ve never touched em keep it that way. When they say in school it only takes one time to get hooked it’s so fucking true. Anyways I thought long and hard about what to write today. Decided against what I mentioned yesterday and I think what I really wanna talk about is this trip I had back in either late January to early February. Dw I’ll still talk about that other crazy shit at some point but this has been on my mind quite a bit recently. So to cut to the chase I got this weed from my old boss’ sister in law, my first real job was at this shitty dollar store up in central Texas but I enjoyed it for the most part. I could write a book about working there, some of what went down in my nearly two years as an employee for that company was like some Tales From the Gas Station shit. I’ll get into that eventually. But anyways yeah so I got this ganja from my methed out boss’ family. She came into the store and this lady was notorious for never being able to pay for her shit. Being the kind soul I am I did a price override on the shit cause I get what it’s like to struggle. A multimillion dollar company loses a few bucks, big deal. Well afterwards I guess in her way of trying to pay me back she says, “you smoke”? I’m like yeah and she’s like step outside. So I step outside and I go by her car and she just hands me like an eighth of weed she just had in her car. Just out in the open n shit. I guess she could see the nervous look on my face. Up until this point I just got my own shit from a headshop, not like anyone gave a fuck about IDing. So anyways I go home, and since my mom threw away my glass before I moved out of her place I ain’t got shit to smoke out of. So I take a monster can and wham bam I got me a little pipe. Well at this point in time in my life I was really depressed. This was right after I got broken up with after two years of being with my ex. I didn’t really give a shit about what was going into my body. So I’m sitting in the dark on the couch in my room, blasting System of a Down and smoking the fuck out of this weed. I was just two hits in when this complete euphoria washed over me. Now I’ve had real weed before, not just that thc-a bullshit. Hell I smoked for the first time when I was 5 years old (another story I’ll get into later, my childhood was fucked). So I can safely say this is not the body high you get from weed. I’ve never had any opiates and I plan to keep it that way but looking back this is probably what heroin feels like. Just the complete numbness I’ve been told you feel, and that warm wave of bliss that encompasses your being. Well at this point Chop Suey is blasting into both of my ears and i close my eyes and it’s like the sofa I’m on is floating through space, spinning around like my furniture is doing an untethered space walk. And at the height of the song (yk when Serj and Daron are like “FATHER, FATHER!!!”) I feel something touch my face, a warmth, like someone’s hand is just caressing my cheek, and I feel this hand in such detail, I couldn’t separate this tactile hallucination from reality. It felt like an angel was touching me, despite being an atheist I think at the time i truly thought there was some sort of angel in the room with me. And I just remember breaking down crying, like I had just felt true comfort for the first time in my entire life. There are truly no words to describe what I had felt, no adjectives that will do this feeling of pure contentment justice. I just remember the song ending and opening my eyes in the dark to still feel that hand caressing my face. Slowly the feeling left my body and I was back to just feeling kinda stoned. I sat on my couch in bewilderment. I had no idea what had just happened to me. I’ve smoked since then but nothing has compared remotely to that pot. If anybody has any idea what the hell was in that shit contact me. Of course I’m not going to seek it out and I’m staying on the path of sobriety but I just wanna know what the hell got put in my body. Anyways I guess that’s my little story for today. Moral of the story don’t smoke shit you get from baseheads. Anyways peace for now ig guys, I think the next story I’ll tell will be about that crazy ass store I worked at and all the weird shit that occurred during my time of employment.